The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
