I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
