Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
