um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
