I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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