Who did Billy Mays play for?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
