Umm I'm too high to move.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
