can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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