can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
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There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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