I am spending my child support on dildos
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
