No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
