i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
