dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Even my vagina gasped.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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