I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
