I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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