Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
