Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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