what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
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