I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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