sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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