Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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