i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize