So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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