Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
