Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
