HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
