Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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