I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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