just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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