Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
