my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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