I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
