so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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