dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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