so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
