just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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