Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
