Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
