We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Success! We fucked roommates!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
