Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
