Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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