We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
