If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
