I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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