she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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