In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
