yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
