Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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