Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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