She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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