Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
