So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
