mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I believe in your delicious
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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