I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
