ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
