Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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