I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
