yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
