I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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