once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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