Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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