Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize