Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
