someone threw a dead crab at me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
zippers are such a cool invention
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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