He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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