I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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