What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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