My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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