apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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