did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
