My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
