guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Blood and glitter go together right?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
