I will die if light touches me.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
