No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
