Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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